


fndng hm

by sweet_asbattery



Category: Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys (Album), My Chemical Romance
Genre: F/F, F/M, Las Vegas, Los Angeles, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-29
Updated: 2017-07-29
Packaged: 2018-12-07 01:12:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11612844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweet_asbattery/pseuds/sweet_asbattery
Summary: raven has always wanted to know her father but never has the chance to, until her mother sends her off to Los Angeles to get a taste of her real life.





	1. sour onions in my backyard

blink. blink.   
I slowly blink my eyes open and regret it instantly.   
the sun is shining bright outside and it begins to jab at my eyeballs.   
I groan and flip over to the other side of my bed. 

taking a good look around my room, I remember what happened yesterday.   
I grab my phone and see that it's already 8 o'clock. my memory comes back. 

the boy, the girl, the tears, the self-loathing. 

I throw my covers off my body and stand up. my knees popping in response to my body being awoken. luckily my bedroom faces the street, and I have easy access to the front driveway.  
I grab the curtain and lightly pull back, seeing that my mom's car isn't in the driveway. 

thank god.   
I stretch my arms and walk to the kitchen. 

the house I live in isn't very big. there are four bedrooms, but they're all quite compact and small. 

I pull open the fridge and see that we don't have much, so I settle for a pack of Oreos and milk. 

Every day I think about her, I wish she would talk to me again. 

it all began about five months ago.   
in pre-calculus class. 

it started off with some friendly conversations, and then fun afternoons spent with each other.   
and then one night, things changed. 

“you know boys they are-kind of disgusting.”

“what do you mean, by disgusting?” 

“like, they repulse me. they’re arrogant, vile and not to mention unattractive.” 

“oh” 

“well what do you think?”

“about boys?” 

“yes.” 

“well not all of them are repulsive i guess.” 

“raven…” 

“i know something about you, something that no one else knows.” 

“oh really? and what is that?” 

“you're gay.” 

“w-what are you talking about?” 

“ i’m gay too.” 

“oh” 

“ya know, these past couples have months have been amazing with you.” 

“yeah, they’ve been great.” 

“i really want to kiss you right now.”

“then why don't you?.”

She pulls me roughly by my collar and looks me in the eyes, I nod in response begging for her to quickly place her lips on mine. 

her lips touch mine softly, and I push back angrily, wanting her to give me more.  
I grab her by the hips and begin to softly straddle her. In return, I earn a soft incoherent moan from her lips.

we both stand up furiously but never take our lips off each other, I pin her against her bed-

***  
that night we made love, the next morning she threw me out. she yelled at me, told me that I was disgusting and that she didn’t want to see or speak to me, ever again. 

after that we never spoke, I tried to talk to her but she would just stare at me and walk away.   
everything is bad now, I’m almost seventeen and my life has gone to shit so many times already.   
I've never met my father, my mom is never around. the girl I love doesn't want me.

I snap out of my thoughts and have a strong feeling to look through my old baby stuff. 

I open my mom's door and scavenge through all of her things. But I also remember to put everything back to where I found it, so she won't be suspicious. I search in her closet and finally pick up a small light pink faded box, the lid of the book has a plastic case in it and inside of the plastic, there’s a big fake red flower.

I open the box and see baby things, diapers, small pink outfits. I go back to my room and sit on my bedroom floor. Knowing my mom, she probably won't even realize it’s missing. 

so I’ll just keep it.   
I look through everything, I find a faded babies r us receipt, a small written birth certificate, a small pink outfit and lots of diapers, at the bottom, I do notice a lot of old shriveled up hospital wristbands. 

I take them all out and read them individually. 

Lorie Kobra, Raven-loreali Kobra, Lorie Kobra, Raven-loreali Kobra, Lorie Kobra, Gerard Arthur Way. 

Gerard Arthur Way?   
why do I not recognize that name?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you guys enjoyed that chapter! The chapter names are something I randomly come up with while I'm writing the chapter, so sorry if they are really strange. I also apologize that some chapters are longer than others. 
> 
> L.


	2. milk in crayon box

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! this is my first time on archiveofourown so please bear with me as I get used to everything. I've written stories before but never really completed them or stuck with them, but I'd really like to with this one. My story is placed in the danger days era and is written in 1st person point of view except for some parts which I will probably write from another character's point of view. I apologize in advance for any mistakes in my writing, it isn't perfect. This story will probably contain some potentially triggering scenes, but I will obviously put a warning before anything and I think that's pretty much it. With that being said please enjoy. ;)

she's beautiful. I mutter under my breath.  
taking in a shaky breath, I watch her draw the most exquisite set of lips on her  
sketch book.  
"and that's how you draw a face kids,"  
she says smoothly, but under all of her over washed confidence; I know she's actually quite terrified of public speaking. I snap out of my thoughts and clap along with the rest of the class as she passes around her drawing. 

"class dismissed kids, go to lunch." the teacher calls.  
I daze off and watch as the other kids quickly make their way out of the class. I snap out of my daze and grab my backpack and leave with the last group of kids. 

"haha, you are so funny Benjamin!!" she shrieks. 

I walk past her as quick as I possibly can. trying to so hard not to whip my head around and look

I turn my head swiftly and see her catch my eye. She instantly grabs the poor bastard and smashes her lips to his. She fakes her moan and she grabs him tighter. But the whole time she stares me dead in the eyes. A mixture of disgust and I can tell she wishes it was me not him. 

 

at her porcelain face. just one last time, I tell myself. 

I turn my head swiftly and see her catch my eye. she instantly grabs the poor bastard and smashes her lips to his. I watch as she fakes a deep guttural moan and grabs him tighter.  
but the whole time she stares at me dead in the eyes. a mixture of disgust, and need to get away from him. and I can tell she wishes it was me on her lips, not his.  
'fuck' i mutter under my breath. 

I quickly push through the cafeteria doors and walk fast to the very back of the school. I keep my head down and try to pretend my anxiety isn't killing me. I find a comfortable spot and put my weight against the brick wall. I slide down to the ground and think of her. I miss her, I really miss her. 

I pull out my pack of camels and light one.  
I take a long drag and watch the smoke blow out.  
smoking has always made me feel at peace, I know I'm slowly killing my lungs but eh I'm young.  
pulling out my phone, I check the time. 1:05 p.m  
crap.  
I’ve still got like 3 hours of school left. I should probably just skip.  
I take a couple more hits and hear more than one person giggling.  
the giggling gets louder and I can hear it getting closer and closer.

I quickly turn my head and see her with him.  
I watch in pure disgust and pain, as she pulls him closer kissing him harder in return, he grabs her ass and squeezes her hard. 

I grab my backpack get up and walk away quickly.  
I begin to run, knowing my house is only a few minutes away from school. I'll make it before anyone sees me.  
tears begin to prickle my vision, and my throat gets stuck and turns to mush  
I don't want this, I never wanted this.  
if I could change that day I would, I would do anything to change that fucking day. the god damn forsaken day that screwed my entire life over.


	3. outside the window

_knock, knock, knock._

“raven! i’m home.” 

“okay!” I yell back waiting to hear footsteps.

I grab the box and hide it away under my bed. 

“Hey, mom where were you last night?” I say stumbling in front of the kitchen table, my mom standing on the other side of the table. 

“none of your business ok? don’t worry abou-about it” she says to avoid all eye contact with me. 

“Oh okay, nevermind then,” I reply, waiting to turn around awkwardly.

“God raven! w-why are you like this?” she screams at me obviously agitated at me for something I did or said. 

“Like what?” I say back in a soft tone, hoping to speak calmly so she would too. 

“like your goddamn father!” she spats. 

“what? is that why you treat me like you do!? because I remind you of him! Well, guess what I’ve never even had the chance to meet him!! I wonder who’s fault that is?” I spit my voice shaking and full of anger and distress. 

I’ve never yelled like that to her, never said anything to her about my dad. I used to ask questions about him when I was younger. but I grew older and knew to never question his existence. 

I walk to my room and lock the door behind me. my mom has never hit me out of pure spite and hate for no reason, but she sure has yelled at me because she doesn’t like how I remind her of my father. 

I grab the small pink box from under my bed and look through it one more time. I search through it and find some pictures. 

the first one is my mom in the hospital bed, obvious pain written on her face from being in labor and giving birth. 

the next couple of ones is some of me, and my mom’s midwives, nothing special.

and the last is a picture of a man, he’s quite tall and he has medium length black hair.  
Unfortunately, his face is facing my mom and, all I can see is her holding me in his direction and smiling weird, maybe that's my dad. I shake off the shiver that follows that thought.  
Even if there is a small chance he’s my dad. The chances of me ever meeting him are slim to none. 

whatever. I put the pictures down and see a letter. 

Raven-lorelai Kobra is printed on a medium sized light green envelope.  
I pick it up and notice that the paper is old due to its fading color. How long has my mom had this?

I put the lid on the box and take a deep breath as I rip open the letter. the actual paper of the letter is light blue and has a small printed angle on it. 

### For Baby:

**I love you already baby way. I haven't even met you yet, and you are already everything to me. I can't wait to be there for your entrance into this world. God knows this world will be extremely lucky to have you in it. I hope I make it to you in time. I love you so much.  
love your dad.**

**Gerard xo.**

I finish reading the letter and am confused.  
if my dad knew about me why didn’t he stick around? why has my mom been lying to me all my life about my dad? what is going on?  
***


	4. inside the blue door

after lots of contemplation of what to do. I stand up from my bedroom floor and pop my ankles.   
“RAVEN-LORELAI WAY, GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE!!”   
Well fuck--  
I walk quickly and stay quiet as I walk into her room.   
“What the hell is this?”   
She hands me a letter written to me, written by Kat’s parents. 

To the parents of Raven-Loreali Kobra  
It has come to our attention that your daughter has gone to ours for sexual favors. It is our job to protect our daughter from anything that we do not believe is morally correct. Our beliefs are that no woman should ever be together., that is why we ask you to please control your daughter before she does any more harm to Kat and the rest of our family. or we will take the necessary precautions to protect our daughter. 

\-- well fuck again.--

I the letter and see my mom’s face, full of rage and most of all an intense feeling to beat the actual shit out of me.   
the one thing my mom has always been against is the lgbt+ community, and it isn’t because she’s super religious, she just finds it disgusting, disgraceful and wrong. 

“ what does this all mean? is this all true?” she says slowly her tongue shooting our dangerous impulsions. 

“No, of course not,” I say, my voice shaking full of fear.   
but my face, my eyes, my voice are overflowing with doubt and coward reasonings of what actually happened. 

what happens next? I don't remember. in a short second of an eye blink, there are screams and claps of furious passion coming from the hands of my mother. and then, all I can see is black.   
*** 

bump.bump.   
I blink once, twice, three times.   
blurry.  
I open my eyes fully and see I’m in the back of my mom’s car.   
my mom is driving fast way too fast. 

I touch the back of my head and hiss in pain, I look at my fingertips and to my fascination, there's blood and lots of it.   
then my memories come flooding back of what happened, but when it happened is what makes my head spin even more than it already is. 

“Mommy, where are we going?” I whisper.   
no answer, no reply.

“Mommy, where are we going?” I say louder. maybe she didn’t hear me. maybe she just didn’t hear me. my stomach begins to knot, I have a terrible feeling about what’s going to happen.   
I sit up and grab a washcloth next to me, I slowly press it to my head and apply pressure to keep it from gushing. 

 

“I can’t do this anymore.” I hear my mom say. 

“What?” I say confused.

“ I cannot do this anymore, I can't do it!!! you remind me too much of him. I can't stand it anymore, I thought you’d be more like me. I was wrong, so wrong.” she pants.

do I really remind her of him? that much. enough to get her to break, enough to drive her to whatever she’s about to do. what the hell is happening. 

“mom please, where are you taking me? Mom please!” I scream, suddenly terrified of what’s happening. it all feels like some sort of horror movie. 

“You're going to Los Angeles, to stay with that fucking bastard.” 

I'm going to meet my dad but what about my life in Los Vegas, what about everything.   
I turn my head to the trunk of the car and see a suitcase and my backpack. 

I'm giving you $25 for a ticket and 70$ for food. that’s it.”

“mommy I'm sorry.” 

“Don’t be, you’ve always wanted to meet your father.” she gives me a sadistic grin in the mirror and I watch as we pull up to the greyhound bus station.   
She parks the car and walks out slamming the door behind her. 

I watch in pain as she goes to the trunk and pulls my luggage out of the car she walks to the curb, slams the bags down and tells me to get out. 

still holding the washcloth to my head, I put my backpack on. I watch as she pulls out a small plastic bag of cash. 

“Here.” she says giving me complete eye contact but her voice staying monotone. 

“thank you. I’m sorry,” I say pleading, hoping to say goodbye. 

sure my mom does treat me like shit a lot, but I still love her nonetheless. that’s just the way I am, people can push me down but I’ll still love them. 

she looks me in the eyes one last time, and for a second I think I see some hope. but in a flash, it’s gone.

I watch almost in tears as I see her slam the trunk and walk to the front door. she slams the door and drives away.   
I look around and take in my surroundings, the lump in my throat is growing by the second and I can feel the tears threatening to fall.   
all because I'm gay?   
all because she hates my dad? and I remind her of him.   
she honestly needs help, something is seriously wrong with her.


	5. inside the blue door. pt2

Or maybe something with my dad.. it would explain why she acts the way she does just thinking about him. 

it’s dark already and I think I should probably buy my ticket. 

I wait in a short line and read the bright words on a big screen that's projecting all the bus trips and the times. Along with information about the greyhound bus station. 

Las Vegas to Los Angeles 8:45 p.m.- 

I take the washcloth from my head and see that the blood has stopped, but I ruined the poor washcloth. my head aches and I can feel myself get dizzy as I take a step further into the line. 

in a matter of minutes, it's already my turn.

“Hello, young lady what can I do for you?”

“Hello yes, one ticket for Las Vegas to Los Angeles the 8:45 p.m, “ I say smoothly trying to calm my nerves that I can feel slowly rising. Let's just say my anxiety likes to bite me in the ass. 

“that will be 23$ please.” 

I reach into the plastic bag and pull out two ten dollar bills along with three ones. I place them in the little space between the window separating me from the old lady.

“thank you, honey the bus will be leaving in about eight minutes or so, so you probably stay in the area. If you follow the arrows and signs you’ll also see where the bus will be ” 

‘thank you.” I say smiling and turn around walking around the building. 

I see a trash can and throw the bloody washcloth away, i look up and see an arrow and following it is the word bathroom in big bright letters. 

I walk quickly and push through the doors, inside the bathroom I see a clock it reads 8:43, fuck I better hurry. 

is there a bathroom on the bus?  
I look in the mirror and instantly regret it, my face looks shit, some tear stains have rested on my cheeks and my dyed lavender hair is tangled.  
not to mention my hand has some blood on it so I wash my hands and splash my face with some cold water.  
I’m on my own from now on, and that thought terrifies me. I miss my mom, my house, my room already.

shit-- I need to be at the loading station in three minutes.  
I put my backpack on my back and rush out the bathroom. 

looking down at my ticket I see I need to be at gate 34   
I walk through the automatic sliding doors and follow the signs. 

there are many buses, and next to each of them are the gate numbers.   
gate 30   
gate 31  
gate 32  
gate 33   
\--gate 34  
I see that there are many people already lined up next to the bus. there is a man, who looks like he works here who's checking everyone's tickets. next to him is a standup cardboard sign that says gate 34 in big bold black letters.

there is also a man taking everyone's main suitcase and placing it under the bus in a compartment. 

“your bag ma’am.” he says.   
“Oh, thank you,” I say to him as I push my suitcase towards his direction. he takes it swiftly and gives me a smile. I watch him place it in the compartment along with the other bags. 

there are mostly families with children of all ages in front of me, some elderly people and a few young couples.   
in a matter of seconds, it's my turn. 

“Ticket please,” the man says to me.   
I hand it to him and watch it rip one part of it off. 

“thank you.” he says and I nod at him and walk up the stairs of the bus.

I see people taking their seats, and some placing their extra luggage above the overhead compartment.   
I read the numbers on the floor and read my ticket.   
seat 35. I walk to my seat and more people come in but luckily no one sits next to me.

I reach into my green backpack and find my laptop, laptop charger, phone, earbuds and phone charger.   
thank god my mom put this shit in here, I hate to admit it but I feel incomplete without this.  
I pull out my phone and see that my mom texted me. 

here is your father’s address. - 5655 Range View Ave, Los Angeles, CA 90042-  
I instantly realize that I’m going to have to find my way there, I guess I’ll just call a cab or get an uber. 

“Welcome to Greyhound bus station, I am your driver for tonight. our trip will be quick only four and a half hours. sleeping is preferred amongst passengers at this time. there is a bathroom in the back of the bus. I will now go over some of the safety procedures before we get going.” 

decide that I don't want to listen to much else of what he’s about to say, so I put my earbuds in and play the album bleach by Nirvana.   
I stare out the window and enjoy the music washing over me. I don't think I realized how much I love Las Vegas it's quite beautiful but I let my feelings get the best of me from time to time and never appreciate its beauty.

I'm going to miss it here. 

in a second the bus is moving. I put the seatbelt on and decide to pull out my computer. I have a Chromebook that my mom got for me a few Christmas back. I log in and scroll through Tumblr. 

I soon realize that I don’t have the letter, that my dad wrote me.  
what if he doesn't believe when I say I’m his daughter? he has to though right, he wouldn't want to not want me.   
I push those thoughts away because I don't have much of a choice and I don't want to think of what would happen if he sent me away. 

I look out the window as we take off onto the highway. the city lights and people calm me, make me feel like I’m a little kid again and that everything will be okay soon. before I know it a tear runs down my cheek, I closed my eyes and drift off into a sound sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please ignore the way I set up these past two chapters. chapter 5 is an extension of chapter 4 because it was way too long.  
> L.


End file.
